Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize