I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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