the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
