Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
