I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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