I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize