I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She just used a chaser for red wine.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
