rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize