man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
