Do vagina's smell?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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