I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
