Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
