My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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