she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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