Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
