i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
