so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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