You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
