He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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