My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
