rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
