4 words: hood of his car
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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