just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
