Im at strip club and am horny
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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