Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
