also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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