You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
