Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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