Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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