I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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