they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
