Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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