either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
