that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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