At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
