I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
