i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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