Farmville is her only friend.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
