Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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