Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
