I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
