11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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