you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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