She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
