If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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