I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
