is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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