you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
