I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
