Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
