i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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