Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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