Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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