I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
