I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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