my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
