I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
