I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize