So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
