Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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