I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
