Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
