I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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