You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
