I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
