I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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