I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
