My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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