I got chris browned last night
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
