Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
