watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
