her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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