I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
