just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
