Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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