just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
