Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
