i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
