you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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