Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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