I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize