I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
