Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
