I'm going to jail i love you
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize