Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
