i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
