My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
