her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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