I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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