went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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