I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
