the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize