I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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