tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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