I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
