i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
