You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
