My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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