if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
