sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
