I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
