Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
