I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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