Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
