Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
