I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
