Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
